I love weddings. I love the idea of weddings. I love helping other people plan for weddings. I love wedding shows. I love all the love that happens at weddings. It seems strange then, that I might say the following sentence. Doing research for planning our wedding is starting to really piss me off.
I am looking up things like “alternatives to bridal bouquets” and “DIY centerpieces” and I am stumbling into the most absurd things. A poster on one website asked the “wedding experts” how to tell her future mother-in-law to return the red dress she bought because ew – her colors are pink and green which will look terrible in pictures with the red and because ZOMG why would she wear red – how mortifying. I expected to read the expert’s response and it say something along the lines of “Who cares what color she wears.” Rather, the response started with “Who at the bridal shop would sell her a red dress?” and explained how that is certainly not okay.
On one website, a bride was asking how she could tell her pregnant friend that she had to step out of the wedding. Commenters agreed that if she wasn’t pregnant when the poster asked her to be a bridesmaid then the bride can remove her for her indiscretion for clearly ruining the bridal party.
Shut. The. Front. Door.
Maybe I’m the crazy one here but really… who the hell cares? I don’t care if my mother-in-law shows up in a neon green minidress. If she feels beautiful in it – then neon dress it up, Nancy. I don’t care if my bridesmaids are all pregnant. Hobble down the aisle with your preggos glow and your cankles for all I care.
When I look back at the photos from our wedding, I want to see a bunch of people having a damn good time. I want to see smiles and joy. I want to see the people we love celebrating with us and showering us with that same love. I don’t want to look at the photos and say “Gee, we all look so color coordinated, isn’t that fabulous?”
For a second there, I was getting lost in it all. I was getting lost in the wedding etiquette websites and the information about how to pick color schemes and how to pick a theme that’s right for the season. I was trying to figure out which one might be best for us. Here’s the thing though – what’s best for us is just a kick ass party. I would rather someone walk (stumble) out of our wedding reception and say “That was one hell of a good time” than “Did you see the flower choices for the centerpiece – they were just to die for.”
We are not millionaires and we don’t have tons of money (see: not really any) to spend on this wedding so maybe that’s why I feel the way I do. But maybe, even if I had a million dollars, I still would feel the same way. I don’t need the centerpieces to match the napkins that match the chair sashes that match the favors that match the dresses that match the tuxes that match the flowers. Does that mean that I don’t want it to still look lovely and wonderful and nice? No.
As a DIY-bride I hope that everything looks like it was well put-together. I hope that people find the things that I create with David and the bridal party interesting and wonderful. But I also hope that they see us in everything that happens that day. I hope that when they see the centerpieces and the favors they think “That is so them.” I hope that when they listen to our vows they are moved by how in love we are. I hope that they can see in our eyes how happy we are. I hope that they have at least one good beer. I hope that they laugh. And smile. A lot. And if all of that happens – I know our pictures will be amazing because the photographer will capture moments and people instead of how good the room looks without anyone in it.
I want to be proud of what I create and the space that exists for everyone to have fun in but I also don’t want it to overshadow the meaning of that day. On that day, our wedding day, we are going to say “Hey, you with the face, I promise to love you forever and stand by your side. So suck it up and deal with it” and it will be beautiful.
My lovely friend Jen asked me tonight for two words that describes my relationship with David. I came up with passionate and silly. We are both very passionate – not only about each other but about our hobbies and the things we enjoy doing or the causes we support. We are also both incredibly silly – we laugh together every day and we never stop making terrible jokes.
So that is the theme to our wedding. Passion and silly. Or passionate silliness as Jen coined it. Our theme doesn’t have anything to do with colors or the type of flowers but it has everything to do with us. To any future invitees that will be disappointed by the lack of a cohesive theme – I’m not sorry.
I have nothing against the brides that want to do those things. I understand it fully. I also think it’s entirely possible to have a themed wedding or a million dollar wedding and still make people cognizant of the love between you and your spouse. If making sure everything has a theme and all of the colors match is your thing – then awesome – go for it. If you are able to spend a house payment on a wedding to make it perfect then yes – I’m slightly jealous of your budget and hope I’m invited – but that’s not us. We aren’t those people. We’re two people with fairly average salaries; we’re both a little crazy, a little messy, and nothing we own in our home matches. Seriously. Nothing.
I love to plan things. I will plan the crap out of this wedding and it will hopefully be fantastic. But it won’t be the most expensive wedding you’ve ever been to or the flashiest. It probably won’t be the prettiest or the one with the most superb food. But you know what it will have? Passion and silliness.
Oh yea, and an open bar.