I don’t know how it happened but I stumbled upon some old high school blogs of mine. Then I happened upon one that I created after a certain senior year event.
(If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, you can read the old Washington Post article here. )
Then I started moseying through the interwebz of wonder and I found a bunch of websites that talked about the controversy – me included. It was sort of interesting. I had only ever done this once and it was right after everything blew up. After that I wanted to just walk away from the drama so I didn’t look at anything anyone wrote about me.
Today I got to find out some pretty awesome things and I took away a lot.
“Bless her heart. She has the courage of her convictions that a lot of people, teens and adults, lack.”
“That girl has a bright future head of her.”
“I hope she continues to write.”
People said these things about me. Complete strangers sent their kind thoughts into the universe encouraging me to write and to express myself. They saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself.
And that I still struggle to see in myself.
I’m a fairly confident person but having changed majors more than three times and knowing I have six years (ish) of college under my belt with two to go has put a bit of a damper on that. At times I struggle between wanting to live my life carefree and trying to get schoolwork done. I love what I am studying but I constantly wonder if what I create is good enough. I write this blog and I know that it is fun for me but I wonder if it benefits anyone else or if anyone still reads it. I work hard and I try to save but often I end up spending money on little things like baking supplies and craft supplies to give stuff to people I love.
I am a twenty-something in limbo and as an Optimistic Olive I keep my head up but it’s safe to say that I have moments where I think “What am I doing with my life?” Reading back through that article and the subsequent conversation it started on the internet I felt inspiried.
It’s not an overwhelming sort of inspiration but I feel a bit of a renewed sense of excitement about my future and faith in myself. Also, about my writing. I have this dream of writing a children’s book, or a funny novel, or a blog that makes me lots of money and I don’t know that any of those will ever happen but a girl can dream.
Today I am happy because I am remembering that I have potential and that dammit, I have a bright future. I made a difference at 17 and I’ll be damned if that’s my biggest impact on this world.
“The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.” Albert Schweitzer